I'm starting to like my xanga...all the things I don't want to say on LJ can end up here. But then it wouldn't be too fun. First thing I want to say, living/being around someone for 4 days makes me wonder how I put up with it a whole year...and another one to come. False sincerity.

Anyway, back from AX and dead tired. Met lots of people, but didn't get to hang out with them because 1) my schedule is very cosplay oriented and 2) they were surrounding this other person a lot...a lot a lot. So that made me kind of unhappy...here I am with new friends and I can't really hang out with them, because their attention is being devoured by one person. No way I'm competing for that. I just don't have the energy and way too tired to deal. But yeah, came to AX tired (with very little sleep. That's the last time I'm working on anything for this person), and first thing I had to deal with was the hotel stuff...and figuring out who's in what room to keep things organized. So I tell the other person something about how to divide the rooms (so at least people can still go back and forth between the room since they were connected) and said person brushes it off...only to come back later and say "yeah what you said was right". And thus CC goes on a huge rant...to the only person who'll actually listen...my mom. ^^; Days don't get much better from there, although the Code Geass gathering/LJ group was lots of fun taking pics and what not. I was just feeling stressed, tired, ready to just give up on AX all together. Not that I expect people to notice, since everyone is so self-absorbed, but yeah...CC with little sleep = CC about to break down. I almost feel like I need to worry about other people less and worry more about myself. Anyway, with the location move to LACC next year, it looks very likely there won't be a 6th straight year at AX for me. Also, there was a very large 'me' and 'them' feeling this year for me as if I was pushing myself to be a part of something I shouldn't be. It hasn't been that way before really, and I really hate feeling that way. Could be my brain chemicals playing with me since my sleep hours had no consistency. Could just be that one person...*shrugs* but I'll be seeing that person for a whole year, so I better deal with it right? Or distance myself from the problem...

Everything's just sugar-coated and spoiled on the inside...

Well off to take care of stuff for my summer internship that starts next week. Probably the only good thing to happen to me. Just need some time to think, and get myself back together after the stress of AX.

I'll have pics later in my cosplay.com gallery.

Too tired to think anymore...

Hmm, haven't posted on this in a while...again. ^^; But now that I have some time in the summer, guess I'll crosspost to LJ and this...

1st day of Japanese class....kind of redundant. More like the feeling, I know all this stuff already >< I know it's only first lecture, but then I began to think... do I really want to do this everyday? I thought I could handle it, even though I just finished spring quarter on Friday and I'm not really doing anything else (except sewing ^^;), so it should be fine right? At least I thought that until I collapsed on the couch at 12 from food coma + tiredness. .__. Not sure I want my summer to be that way really, and for 6 weeks. I think I've learned so much on my own (and I swear I immerse myself in the Japanese language between anime, music, doujinshi, and J-dramas), it's just once I get grammar and verbs, and all the small details down it shouldn't be a problem once I practice, lots and lots. I get listening practice by watching things without subs, and reading practice by reading original japanese manga, writing practice is the problem, and what I want to work on...

Guess I'll give tomorrow 7:30 AM lecture a go again (although I'm really thinking about dropping the class), and see how I feel...really, I just want to relax during the summer...turned out this is more tiring than anticipated.

The day doesn't get much better after that... >> *sigh*